Silent Hill 8: The Fugitive Part 2

"The fear of blood tends to create fear for the flesh." -Silent Hill

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams


Today was the terrifying second day of the Electronics Entertainment Expo, or E3 for all you hip youngsters, with the convention continuing it's Godzilla like rampage across the US west coast. Fortunately, I live on the opposite end of the continent and can therefore sit back, touch myself, and watch the carnage from the relative safety of my Fortress of Squalitude.

Of all of the information bleeding out of the borefest that is E3's second day, there was one game in particular that caught my attention like a D-cup on a trampoline, and that game was a new Silent Hill. According to the game's trailer, JUST Silent Hill, though most websites are reporting it as the cleverly named Silent Hill 8(or 6, depends on where you look). If that is the case, I didnt realize a series could begin with numbered entries, switch to subtitled releases, and then bounce back to numbers again, but who am I to argue with boobs on a trampoline? Hopefully "8" will get a subtitle eventually 'cause "Silent Hill 8" does nothing to tickle my testicles in the least. But before I move on to more pointless banter, let's have a look at that trailer.

As you can see, despite this entry being developed by an entirely new team, again, the game still appears to have that eternal Silent Hill vibe. Fog, gear shifts in reality, poor visibility, and, of course, hot women in cop outfits. All VITAL components to the series. Really it seems like the team developing this new game are hitting all the right notes, atleast in keeping with the series modus operandi. Unfortunately, Silent Hill Homecoming looked that way when it was in development as well so I find myself almost afraid to get my hopes up.

One final note I feel should be brought to attention though, is that despite my caution on getting too excited, I still find myself eager at the prospect of returning to our "special place", Silent Hill. Alternatively, as I read through the comments on the trailer and press release, I find that there is seemingly no way to please the vast majority of Silent Hill fans. There seems to be little middle ground for fans of this series, as most comments say that any new entry will never be as good as the first 3 games, as well as being angry that this game seems to offer nothing new to move the series forward.
Make up your fucking mind you twats.
Do you want a game that tries to be like the first trilogy of games in the series, like Origins and Homecoming, or do you want a fresh take like Shattered Memories? How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

-Maxwell Strange

Do you read Sutter Cane?

Alan Wake DLC: The Signal teaser

Warning. The following blog-a-ma-jig contains spoilers for Alan Wake and it's collected universe. If you do not wish to have certain in game events spoiled, such as when Alan realizes that the Predator is hunting them for sport, then you should have stopped reading already. Go you.





So E3 is currently upon us. And, like the ravenous hydra of myth that it has become, before the convention even begins we are cast adrift in an ocean of pre-event press releases and teasers. This seems to get worse and worse each year as scientist(s) predict that by the year 2015 pre E3 press releases will begin sometime roughly around Christmas of the previous year. Not one to look a gift-hydra in the mouth(s?), I have been diligently sifting through the steaming mess left on the carpet for news about anything other than fucking motion controls. Really the first thing to catch my eye in all of this pooey press "goodness" is the teaser for the first round of Alan Wake DLC: The Signal.

Can I get a spooky "OoOoOoOoOoOoOoH" for the title? Maybe some wavey hand gestures? Awesome.

Before we get into the DLC, I want to take a moment to talk about the Alan Wake already available to us. For those of you who don't sit at the cool kids table, the central story of Alan Wake is simple, but the way the story plays out is what make it so interesting. The game begins with you playing Stephen King as he and his wife travel to the hole in the wall town of Bright Falls for a spot of vacation. Faster than you can say "psychological action thriller", H.P. Lovecraft's wife disappears and you are dumped into a world of trees and nightmares.

Mostly just trees though.

Clive Barker must then try to unravel the mystery surrounding the disappearance of his wife, and the many other spooooooooky things surrounding Bright Falls. This includes, but not limited to, talking lights in the sky, senile Norse gods, living darkness that can possess and animate anyone or anything, a hilarious Twilight Zone TV show parody, and most importantly, the search for coffee. Sure the kidnapped wife of Richard Bachman is center stage throughout the game, but the mystery of just WHO would leave this many coffee thermoses lying around kept me glued to the edge of my seat from start to finish.

The game itself is gorgeous, with amazingly lighting(or lack thereof) and beautiful landscapes that are brilliantly crafted to feel organic and lived in. If you dont feel like you are trapped in the woods at night with a banjo hauntingly playing in the distance, then obviously you have never been raped by hillbillies. Lucky you. It is a shame however that as amazing as the setting looks, the characters inhabiting it look absolutely ridiculous. It isn't that they aren't constructed or rendered well, the models themselves look fantastic, it's mostly just that they have the expressive range of Mr. Potato Head. The characters have some of the worst lip sync and facial expressions I have seen in years. It ruins the immersion slightly when you feel as if you are watching sock puppets spouting serious dialogue.

Despite these gripes, the game has a wonderfully atmospheric mystery to solve that made it nearly impossible to put the controller down for bathroom breaks, eating, sleeping, or funerals. If you don't mind a few aesthetic flaws and programming hiccups here and there, the good far outweighs the bad and makes this a solid rental or purchase. Fans of Twin Peaks will feel right at home here, but if you want a good story and love coffee, I highly recommend picking up a copy of Alan Wake. Four and a half coffee thermoses out of five.






Oh, right. I was supposed to get to The Signal wasn't I? That was a bit of a tangent above wasn't it? Why the hell have you kept reading this far into mindless babbling anyway?

A very short teaser was shown for The Signal, with a whopping 1:07 of balls to the wall Alan Wake...........Alan Wakeness. The first thing I noticed was that you are still playing Alan Wake, which is a pleasant surprise for me as I was sure we would be in the shoes of another character, perhaps the mysterious Clay Steward finally. Depending on if you love psychological torture or not, you will notice that Barry Wheeler is back for more "I'll sue your ass!" shenanigans, but that is fine in my book because I fucking loved this character. Probably the most interesting addition to how the DLC will play out is the return of the eerie floating text from the final portion of the original game. This time it looks like you will be able to use it to your advantage in solving puzzles and even in combat as in the video Alan shines upon the word "Blast" to attack a possessed Taken enemy. Cool beans.



I was really not sure where the DLC would be going story wise considering the open ended finale of the initial game, but now all I know for sure is that I am excited once again to take the plunge back into the cold black waters surrounding the mystery of Bright Falls.

"It's not a lake, it's an ocean"

Alan Wake DLC; The Signal: the Search for More Money releases Tuesday, July 27th.

-Maxwell Strange

P.S. Thanks to PLAYhorror2010 for hosting the teaser trailer on youtube. Gametrailers is all kinds of hammer fucked right now since E3 started.

Horror movie posters from the 80's.

Thousands of years ago, when I was but a wee sin against nature, my family frequented a local video store every weekend. Every weekend. We were perhaps obsessive compulsive about our Friday nights or we just really liked throwing money at this video store like it was a stripper. Thankfully, this of course was back before the days of Blockbuster Shiteo, so the video selection in this place was very much skewed towards the owner's preferences. Fuck those customers! Who the hell cares what they want to see anyway? Lucky for me, unlucky for the rest of the universe, this meant that there were lots and lots of horror movies to rot my brain.

Now, despite this sort of amazing luck to have such a ripe and virile selection of horror to choose from, I really cant remember anything specific that I rented from this place. Apparently years of watching bad movies, heavy drinking, and sniffing glue have taken their toll upon the poor old headcheese. What I do remember ...........with startling clarity, is the un-fucking-believable movie posters they had plastered all over this store. This brings me to the point of this pointless and meandering post, and that is that horror movie posters in the 80's were BAD. ASS.

This place was covered wall to wall with some of the most iconic horror images of the time; posters the likes of Pumpkinhead, the Howling, House, and Prince of Darkness. What? You dont remember those movies and/or posters? Shameful! Okay by "iconic" I probably meant the ones that really stick out in my memory, but fear not, they also had the more traditional likes of Hellraiser, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Halloween. These murals of pure terror were made before the likes of Photoshop and are all amazing and intricatly rendered pieces of hand crafted traditional art. And best of all, atleast to the fragile brain of a child, or more importantly my fragile child brain, they were certainly not shy of attempting to gross you the fuck out. Just with the cover, let alone the actual movie.


Looking over these posters makes me miss the 80's. Well maybe not all of the 80's. I could really do with never having to hear Rock Me Amadeus again, but I certainly miss the mindset of film makers way back then. Bear in mind, seeing these wonderfully demented posters and movies through the eyes of an idiot child have painted a much stronger and vivid picture in my memory, what little memory I have after all the drinkin' and heavy metal......in'. Still a lot of these movies I would happily take over current "horror" movies. It feels as if there were more variety in subject matter back then, a buffet of disgusting and terrifying cinema with which to delight and entertain. These days it's all remakes and torture porn. And remakes. Also remakes occasionaly.

Ho hum.


Put on your protective goggles kiddies, it's time to scoff at danger and bust out some science! Let's try a little (mostly)painless test. I promise it wont hurt. I'm curious if anyone's evil, evil brain works the same as my own. Get your pencils ready 'cause here we go!

Of the two posters below, one a terribly forgettable "remake" of an eternal classic, the other.....well the classic. Duh. Which marketting material catches your eye more? The terribly.....terribly.......terrible generic zombie movie poster? Or the subtle and infinitly more classy unease of the original? You now have 30 seconds to fill in your answers and pass them to the front of the class.


While a lot of posters back then didn't dick around and were very extreme in their depictions of rotting corpses and gooey aliens from down the street, a few gems were also very subtle and minimialistic, but no less unnerving than the extreme fare. These images somehow walked the line between completely unnoticeable and brilliantly eye catching. Two of my all time favorites being:




And really, that's all I wanted to talk about(well, that and Rock Me Amadeus. God damn you Falco). There are still many talented people making beautiful and creative movie posters these days, but I think these talented shapers of the macabre are almost completely lost in the shuffle of complete shit studios shovel out year after year. "Okay it's time for our movie poster to send over to marketing, but I really dont want to spend a lot of money. Frank your son has Photoshop Elements right? He's hired! Tell him to slap some photos together to make a group shot with some really poor CG blood and bam! Instant movie poster! "

What do you think? Am I a crazy and senile old man pining for the rose tinted days of my youth? Or are you, dear reader, fucking tired of shitty movies and their shittier posters? I'll just leave these here for your viewing pleasure/nightmares.....

-Maxwell Strange